Just Listen

Have you ever gone through a challenging time and just needed to tell someone about it? Maybe you had a rough day at work, or maybe you just had one of those days that everything goes wrong - the milk was sour, the car wouldn’t start, your chair at work was broken and the elevator was out of order - and you just wanted and needed someone to hear about it.

Why do we do this? Why do we feel the need to tell someone?

It is my belief that we do this because we want to be seen, heard, and validated. We want someone to witness what we have experienced. It is out of our desire to feel connected and not alone.

What happens when we attempt to share our experiences with another and that other person doesn’t listen, brushes off what we said (“What’s the big deal?”), or tries to one-up it (“That’s nothing! This is what happened to me…”)? We feel alone, misunderstood, shut down, disconnected, maybe even rejected.

What happens when the other person simply truly listens? We feel accepted and acceptable, supported, connected, understood, at ease, unburdened, maybe even comforted and loved.

Being truly listened to and feeling heard is therapeutic.

Let’s take a look at this concept from a different angle.

Imagine there are parts of you in you…shouldn’t be too hard, we say things like this all the time, “A part of me wants to go to the party, another part of me doesn’t.”

Have you ever been sad and there is a part of you that tells you to get over it? Have you ever been afraid and there is a part of you that tells you you’re just a baby? Have you ever been hurt and there is a part of you that tells you to suck it up?

How does that sad/afraid/hurt part of you feel? Does it feel heard, understood, connected? Or does it feel shut down, alone and disconnected?

When we don’t listen to a part of us, it is disconnected from the whole of who you are. When something is disconnected from the whole, it is separated, broken. If you are feeling broken, maybe it’s because you aren’t truly listening to your parts.

What if you were to truly listen to that part that is feeling sad/afraid/hurt? What if you tried to understand that part, learn the real reason why it is feeling that way?

Let’s use your imagination. Imagine you can see that part of you that is feeling a negative emotion. Notice what position he/she is in. Standing? Sitting? Huddled in a ball? Notice how old she is. Ask it why it feels this way. Let him tell you.

And just listen.

Maybe that’s the therapy you need.

PS. Sometimes this can bring up a part of you or a past experience that seems too painful or too big to address on your own. I’m here to help you so you can feel whole again. Book a free 30-minute discovery call, here to get started.

Here’s to conquering stress.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts