Dr. Kristin Neff is a self-compassion pioneer, a teacher, researcher, and author. She has busted the top myths about self-compassion. I can’t say it any better than her, so I’m sharing with you what she wrote:
Myth #1- Self-compassion will undermine my motivation.
The number one block to adopting self-compassion is the fear that it will make us complacent or unproductive and that we need to be self-critical to motivate change. What should I use?
The Truth: Self-compassion is a more effective motivator than harsh self-criticism. We try to achieve not to avoid self judgment, but because we care about ourselves. This supportive mindset better enables us to learn from our mistakes and failures. Research shows that self- compassion engenders a learning and growth orientation that improves performance.
Myth #2- It means letting myself off the hook.
Many people worry that self-compassion will lead them to avoid taking responsibility for their mistakes or harmful actions.
The Truth: When we’re self-compassionate after doing something that we regret, it provides the sense of safety needed to acknowledge what we've done. Research shows that people who are self-compassionate about their past mistakes are more likely to take personal responsibility for their misdeeds and to try to repair the situation.
Myth #3- It's just feeling sorry for myself.
Many people believe that self-compassion involves wallowing in self-pity and simply complaining about how hard they have it.
The Truth: Self-pity involves “why me?” thinking and is self-focused, while self-compassion frames the experience of imperfection in light of the shared human experience. Research shows that self-compassion reduces self-focus, increases perspective-taking, and helps us feel connected to others when we struggle.
Myth #4- It’s self-indulgent.
Some think that being kind to yourself just means taking it easy or doing what feels good in the moment.
The Truth: Self-indulgence involves giving oneself short-term pleasure at the expense of long-term harm. When we care about ourselves, we're willing to undergo discomfort for our wellbeing. Research shows that self-compassionate people are more likely to exercise, eat well, get regular medical check ups, and generally engage in health-promoting behavior.
Myth #5- It’s the same as self-esteem.
People sometimes believe that self-compassion means judging oneself positively and having high self-esteem.
The Truth: Typically to have high self-esteem, we need to feel special and above average. We have self-esteem when we succeed, but not when we fail. With self-compassion, we don't need to be perfect or better than anyone else to feel good about ourselves, we just need to be a flawed human being like everyone else. Research shows that compared to self-esteem, self-compassion is less associated with comparisons with others and is less contingent on appearance, social approval, or successful performance. It also provides a more stable sense of self-worth over time.
Myth #6- It's selfish.
Most of us have been told that we should sacrifice for others, and fear that meeting our own needs is selfish.
The Truth: Compassion isn't a zero-some game. The more compassion that flows inward, the more resources we have available to be there for others. Research shows that self-compassionate people are more giving and supportive to others in relationships. Professional and family caregivers are more able to care for others without becoming drained and burned out.
Myth #7- It will make me soft or weak.
Some people associate being harsh with themselves as being tough and worry that self-compassion will make them vulnerable or weak.
The Truth: When you go into battle, what’s going to make you stronger - being an ally who has your own back or an enemy who cuts you down? The supportive stance of self-compassion provides strength to face the battles of life. Research shows that self-compassionate people are better able to deal with stressful situations like natural disasters, military combat, health challenges, raising special needs children, and divorce.
(Me again...) Are you open to being more self-compassionate? It can be difficult to do this. It may feel not safe or not “okay” to do it, even though you know it’s good for you. I’m here to help. Book your free, no-obligation, 30-minute discovery call with me, here, to learn how you can remove the unconscious blocks to more self-compassion.
Here’s to conquering stress.
With heart,
Louise
The Stress Experts
--
Did this blog help you?
Consider sharing it with someone who needs to hear it!
Have a question?
Let me know and I'll write a blog about it. Contact me!
0 Comments