My clients come to me because there is something in their life that they would like to see/have/be different. This is obvious because they wouldn’t be working with me if they had nothing they wanted to change, right?
This problem can be anything really - troubles in relationships, struggling to regulate emotions ie. stuck feeling anxious or guilty, wrestling with self doubt, suffering with symptoms of PTSD, being unable to relax.
Admitting to having “a problem” takes courage!
Getting help with “a problem” takes courage!
The next courageous action to take is to say the magic word…and that word isn’t “please” or “abracadabra”.
The real magic word can be a very challenging word to say and even more challenging to mean when you say it.
That word is “accept”. “ I accept this problem.”
Typically, we can admit that there is a problem… but we often refuse to really accept it.
The acceptance that I am taking about is not about being a doormat and allowing injustice or unfair situations. I’m talking about acceptance of you and your responses to the situation/experiences.
Can you accept your fear of failure? Can you accept that you aren’t where you thought you’d be in your career by this age? Can you accept that you feel like a disappointment? Can you accept that you have emotions?
I tend to think of admitting to “a problem” like recognizing that it exists, as if saying that an object exists…over there. But accepting “a problem” is like holding that object in your hands, feeling the weight of it, noticing it’s temperature, seeing the shape, texture, and details of it, listening to it AND not having any judgement about any of it.
Why do we tend not to "accept”?
Here are some of the things I hear from my clients that tend to get in the way of acceptance:
Acceptance feels like resignation.
Feels like failure.
Feels like I lost.
Feels like losing hope.
Feels like giving up.
Acceptance is a curse word.
If I accept the problem, it means I’m stuck with “the problem”.
If I accept the problem, then I won’t ever be acceptable to others because I am only acceptable if I no longer have “the problem”.
If I accept the problem, it means I’m not doing anything to try to change it.
While these are valid feelings and beliefs, they block us from the “magical” healing power of acceptance.
American psychologist, Carl Rogers said “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
When we are focused on changing, being different than we are and not accepting ourselves until we are different, we cannot change. Without acceptance of where you are at, change isn’t possible.
Acceptance is the real magic word.
If acceptance is a challenge for you and you’re feeling stuck in your “problem”, let me help! Book your free 30-minute discovery call here to learn how I can help create the change you desire.
Here’s to conquering stress.
With heart,
Louise
The Stress Experts
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