There’s a lot of advice out there about what to do to decrease stress - anywhere from spending time with friends to taking a bubble bath by yourself…or with friends. Hey, I’ve heard it all!
While these strategies may provide some relief, they don’t always make you feel better. Here’s why (…then we’ll look at a strategy that actually works.)
Talk with your loved one. What if you just had an awful argument?
Work out. What if you have a sore knee and need to rest it?
Spa day/mani-pedi. What if you can’t afford it?
Bubble bath. What if you don’t have time?
Sit in the sun. What if it’s cloudy?
Be outside. What if it’s too cold because it’s the dead of winter?
Do a favourite hobby. What if I am waiting for supplies to be shipped?
Spend the day with friends. What if they are all busy?
Go for a walk. What if it is pouring rain?
Take a long, warm shower. What if the hot water tank is broken?
Some of these excuses/questions may seem ridiculous, I know. (Stick with me.)
My point is that these stress-less strategies are at risk of failing. They are at risk of failing because we are relying on an external thing to change how we feel internally.
The goal of a stress-less strategy is to change your feeling/emotion to something more pleasant. You are feeling crummy so you implement a stress-less strategy in order to feel better.
But, what if you can’t do the thing that seems to bring about the feeling inside you that you desire? Does that mean you are screwed? That you are stuck being stressed because your stress-less strategy isn’t possible right now? Are you powerless to change how you feel unless you do the activity that helps you? Are you at the mercy of the circumstances you find yourself in until you can do your strategy?
That does not sound empowering!
Why not work at the “end”, that the “means to the end” (the strategy) is trying to get at? Why not change the stress at it’s source; why not change the feeling and emotions directly by bringing your attention to your internal world (the feeling) rather than your external world (what you do - the strategy).
Okay, so strategies like meditation, yoga, journalling, and deep breathing actually work. (If I had called this article “The Problem with Some “Stress-less” Strategies”, it wouldn’t have been as catchy!) The reason these strategies are less likely to fail (unless you don’t have a pen and paper for journalling) is that they turn your attention inwards and directly address how you feel - the source of the problem.
So, what is a strategy that always works? Focus inwards and shift how you feel.
How?
Here’s a research-based method that uses the very real power of the heart - it is 40-60 times electrically stronger than the brain. The heart is a power source you won’t find yourself without!
1. Heart Focus. Focus your attention on your heart, the centre of your chest. Don’t just think about the centre of your chest, drop your energy down from your head into your chest. Metaphorically speaking, instead of looking through the eyes in your head at your heart, try to see through the eyes of your heart.
2. Heart Breathing. Imagine breathing in and out through your heart. Breathe a little slower and deeper than usual.
3. Heart Feeling. Now, continue breathing through your heart as you activate a positive, renewing feeling, such as appreciation, as if it is arising from your heart.
With practice, these steps get easier as you become more familiar with experiencing the feelings. Eventually, these heart feelings become your “new way of being”.
And stress-less strategies become need-less strategies.
Here’s to conquering stress.
With heart,
Louise
The Stress Experts
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