A couple days ago, I was suddenly hit with the feeling of being unvaluable/worthless. The feeling was strong and it felt quite true.
My mind even found evidence to support the feeling. “Right, yesterday, I said something stupid to my friend. Oh, yeah, there was that time last week when my project didn’t work out like it was supposed to. Oh, and those 3 people unsubscribed from my email list. Look at that, it’s true, I am worthless.”
But is it really true? If I’m feeling it, is it a fact?
If I feel worthless, does that actually mean I have no inherent worth?
If I feel like a loser, am I a loser?
If I feel guilty, does that necessarily mean I’ve done something wrong?
If I feel angry, does that make me an angry person?
Your feelings are not who you are. You have a feeling. You are not a feeling.
I don’t know about other languages, but in English, we tend to say “I am sad”, “I am angry”, which leads one to believe that you are what you feel.
While it is grammatically correct to say it this way, it would be more psychologically accurate to say “I am feeling sad”, “I am feeling angry.”
Why does this distinction matter?
A feeling is transient; to be felt, processed, and released. When I say I am my feeling, I am claiming it as my identity. And a couple different things might happen then:
1) Because feelings are transient and they change, it can be confusing as to know who you really are because your identity keeps changing as your feelings change.
2) Because the mind doesn’t like to lose or change its identity - it has a tendency to stay with the familiar identity - therefore the feeling becomes less transient and more permanent, keeping you somewhat locked into and stuck in that feeling. This minimizes the human experience of the emotional spectrum.
Instead of regarding your feelings as facts, see them for what they are - a feeling, not a fact, nor a statement of who you are.
You are a human being having an emotional experience. That’s it.
When I remembered that my feeling of unworthiness was just a feeling, it actually made me smile. The stress I felt because of this feeling vanished almost completely. My feeling was no longer a problem. It wasn’t something to be fixed, worked on, or wrestled with. It wasn’t a fact. It wasn’t a statement or a reflection of who I am.
It was a feeling - a message from my bodymind. Something to acknowledge and explore with acceptance (“How interesting, I am having a feeling.”) and curiosity (“I wonder why.”).
Why am I feeling this way? Why do I feel this now? What triggered this feeling? When have I felt this way before?
If your feelings are uncomfortable and/or difficult to process and release, try a simple technique called EFT or Tapping. More information, here.
Here’s to conquering stress.
With heart,
Louise
The Stress Experts
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