I used to struggle with the concept: “You create your own reality.”
I used to think, “Bulls**t! Life happens to me and I have no say in the matter.”
But I have come to change my mind. I may not create ALL of my reality, but I definitely have a larger influence on it than I originally thought. And maybe after you read this, you will see how you, too, are creating your reality.
Let’s explore this with an example (and it’s just one of many).
If I believe that people around me are always criticizing me/what I do/what I have, then that is what I will experience. That will be my reality.
If I usually make my pizza crust with Italian seasoning and a friend tells me that she uses oregano in her crusts, she could be just making conversation and just saying how she does it. However, if I have this belief that I am always criticized, then these few words could feel like an insult. Instead of hearing my friend say how she makes her pizza crust, I hear, “you’re doing it wrong”.
If I have a blue car and a sibling, who loves the red car he owns, gushes that “it’s not a real car unless it’s red,” I hear, “You chose wrong. What were you thinking?”
If I am giving a presentation and 2 people in the audience are whispering together as I keep speaking, I think, “They are talking about how badly I’m doing,” when really I have no idea what they are saying because I can’t even hear them! They could be whispering about how great I’m doing. It is just as likely. But because I don’t know, I make up the story and because I believe that people are always criticizing me, I will make up a story that they are talking badly about me.
And all these experiences further reinforce my belief that I am always criticized. Always being criticized will be my reality and it will seem completely true! Also, it will seem as though I didn’t “create” anything; being criticized by other people is exactly what happens - I had nothing to do with it! The problem is not me!
Because these experiences reinforced my belief, it becomes easier and easier to build evidence that my belief is the truth, creating a vicious cycle where I am creating my reality and that reality feels more and more true.
What makes this reinforcement happen? Why can’t I just hear what my friend is saying about the way she makes pizza crust, or hear how much my brother loves his car, or see that there are 2 people in the audience whispering about something I can’t hear?
It’s because the brain likes to be right. It likes congruency and confirmation. Your brain has the tendency to look for and interpret information in a way that is consistent with your beliefs. This is called confirmation bias. It is not something that you are doing intentionally.
If it isn’t something you are doing intentionally, how can you change it? How can you stop reinforcing your belief? How can you change your reality?
The first step is to become aware of the bias and see it for what it is - a way to process information. Be aware that there are different ways to process the information you take in.
When you hear about a different way to make pizza crust, hear it as that.
When you hear about your sibling gushing about his car, be happy that he found a car he loves.
When you see 2 people whispering, think of all the things they could possibly be talking about.
Catch yourself gathering evidence and get curious. Ask yourself, “Is it true? Is it really true? What other way is there to interpret what is happening?”
When you interpret it in a different way, you experience it differently - your reality changes.
You create your own reality.
What reality are you creating?
PS. To truly change your reality, it’s critical to explore and emotionally process why that negative belief is there in the first place so you can release its grip on you.
Imagine having a positive belief (ie. people around me support me) that your brain seeks to confirm and reinforce, making it easier and easier to build evidence of its truth, creating a virtuous circle.
What would reality look like then? That’s what you’d get when you work with me. Book your free 30-min discovery call here to start creating the reality you want.
Here’s to conquering stress.
With heart,
Louise
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