Are You Guilty of Overcare?

I’m going to be straight up honest with you, these weekly blogs that I send out to my subscribers are not always a pleasure to write. I have difficulty coming up with topics to write about. (So, if anyone of you have a suggestion, please just reply to this email and let me know what it is. I’d love you for it!) And when I do think of something to write about, it oftentimes doesn’t flow.

Now, it is nearing the deadline to get this blog out and I have been sitting here for a long time, racking my brain, trying to think of a topic that I can write a short blurb about. I feel like just giving up and not sending out a blog this week. 

I know I don’t HAVE to get a blog out every week. There is no gun to my head, nor is there a boss to fire me.

So, why do I care so much?

1. Because of my ridiculously-high expectations of myself. Whether it is writing blogs, having conversations, giving presentations, whatever, I need to be perfect. Even though there are no “perfect” ways to do these things, I still struggle to find “the perfect way”. I committed to write a one blog a week, but I can’t write just anything, it has to be about the perfect topic, written with the perfect wording, with the perfect length and without a single error. It’s downright exhausting. I’m exhausting. 
2. I’m afraid of disappointing people. You, as one of my readers, may have come to expect my weekly blog. As a matter of fact, I have received several beautiful emails from some of you saying how much these blogs mean to you and how much you enjoy reading them. Those emails warm my heart and give me great motivation to continue writing, so, thank you! (You know who you are.) What if one week, I don’t send a blog out? Will I have let my readers down? What if I disappoint them? 

This is what is called overcare. I am overcaring. This is a term that was coined my HeartMath. It is when the renewing emotion of care turns into something that is no longer renewing. There is a fine line between balanced care and overcare. 

How do you know if you are experiencing balanced care or overcare? By how you feel. Does the way you feel renew you, like care does, or does it deplete you like negative emotions and attitudes do, such as fear, anger, anxiety, and worry.

In my case, care has turned into overcare by becoming exhausting perfectionism and fear. Overcare is a depleting emotion. Depleting emotions create chaos in your system, decreasing brain function and creativity, among other deleterious effects. 

The more I “care” about writing a blog, or about anything else in life, the less I am able to function at my full potential. 

Overcare can be about almost anything in life: caring about your child doing well in school, caring about what’s being said in the news, caring about your appearance/image, caring about job/school performance, caring about saying something wrong, caring for aging parents. Signs that one is experiencing overcare include unrealistic expectations and perfectionism, like in my case, but also performance anxiety, emotional attachment, feelings of worry, anxiety or guilt, mental preoccupation, projections, and/or comparisons. 

If you realize that you may be guilty of overcaring about something in your life, don’t start overcaring about overcaring! 

So, what does one do about overcaring?

Bring yourself back to the renewing experience of care by connecting to why you care in the first place, and let go of the rest. For example, you care about your child doing well in school is because you love him, connect to and experience that love. You care about the news because you have compassion for the people going through difficult times, connect to and experience that compassion. 

I care about writing these blogs because I want to serve. So, I am connecting to my desire to be of service, and I’m letting go of the rest.

I hope this blog has been helpful …however imperfect it may be.

Here’s to conquering stress.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts