Silencing the Inner Critic

We all have an inner voice. Sometimes that voice can be hurtful. It can steal our motivation and make it difficult to persevere. Some examples are: “Who do you think you are?” “That’s not going to work out.” “I’m a failure.” “I am a fat loser.”

Many of us mistakenly believe that the Inner Critic is a renegade that needs to be fought, controlled, and silenced.

The “Inner Critic” has a bad reputation. It is seen as the “bad guy” who is mean, who keeps you stuck, holds you back, and picks you apart. While this may be what it looks like on the surface, there is much more going on underneath.

And in order to silence the Inner Critic so you can feel less stressed and accomplish your goals, you have to first understand it.

The first thing to understand is that the Inner Critic is a part of you, working for you. It is not out to “get you”; it is working tirelessly to keep you safe! It bases the voices and words it uses on past experiences and patterns it (you) have learned.

With this understanding, your view of the Inner Critic and what it says will change.

For example, if you assume the Inner Critic is working for your good and safety, why might it say, “Who do you think you are?”

Maybe, when you were young, you were confident you could do cartwheels like Sally Smith, so you tried your first one at recess in front of all your friends. And it was an epic failure. They all laughed at you and you felt humiliated and alone. Now, as an adult, your Inner Critic keeps you safe from experiencing such pain again by reminding you of the possible pain if you try something you don’t normally do.

Or maybe, you grew up hearing from your parents/caregivers that the Joneses over there are wealthy and successful and they don’t even have to work for it! We, Grahams, are proud to work and we struggle and we make it by. So now, as an adult, if things start to come easy, the Inner Critic, working to keep you safe by helping you continue to belong in your clan of origin, says “Who do you think you are?” to keep you being a “Graham”, who by definition, works, struggles, and just makes it by.

There are many reasons the Inner Critic says what it says. But it isn’t because it wants to hurt you, it wants to help you.

The second thing to understand is that trying to reason with the Inner Critic is futile. This is because the Inner Critic doesn’t run on logic and reason, it runs on feelings and emotions.

Have you ever tried to reason with a kid afraid of a monster under the bed? Not very effective, is it? Your Inner Critic is actually afraid something bad will happen if you try something new/ succeed/ fail/ shine too brightly/ take on too much/ do too little/ don’t follow the rules/ make too much or not enough money/ have too many friends/ not have enough friends/ eat too much/ not exercise…the list is endless of what it (you) could be afraid of.

Even when the Inner Critic seems to be trash-talking you, it is actually afraid of something.

And just like helping the scared kid, the best way to deal with the Inner Critic is to validate how it (you) feels. “I notice that you are (I am) scared. That’s ok.”

Then, get curious.

“I wonder what I might be afraid of.” The responses can be endless!

I’ll be rejected. I might lose my job. My sister will never talk to me again. I’ll rock the boat. I might screw it up. I won’t be as good as someone else. I might get a promotion and that means more responsibility. I won’t be ready for criticism and judgement from others. I’ll disappoint other people. I’ll make other people angry. I’ll be out of control. I’ll be lazy. I’ll get hurt. I might repeat my mistakes. I might get too proud.

Then, get more curious. Ask yourself, “When and where did I learn this?” The answer might surprise you, or it might be obvious. It might have been something you personally experienced or you may have learned it from someone else’s experience. But somewhere you learned to be afraid of it.

Once the Inner Critic part of you is validated and acknowledged, it can start to quiet down.

Somewhat counterintuitively, thanking the Inner Critic for trying so hard to keep you safe can also help quiet the voice.

In summary, the Inner Critic is a good guy. It is afraid that something bad might happen and is working really hard to keep you safe in the best way it knows how. Don’t try to reason with it, tell it that it is wrong, or fight it. Acknowledge it. Validate it. Get curious. Thank it.

This is a good start to bring the Inner Critic voice into balance. I’d love to hear from you if your Inner Critic is loud, overwhelming, or if it stops you from moving forward. Schedule a free 30-minute discovery call, now, to quiet the critical inner voice and move forward with confidence.

Here’s to conquering stress.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts

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