The "Good Person" Trap

Many of us try so hard to be the "good person" - being kind and sacrificing what we want in order to do what we think others want. But it really is a trap that doesn't only keep you stuck, it picks away at you.

I get emails from The Daily Wellness. They give free daily support for your mental health. They recently sent out an email that addressed this and I wanted to share it with you.

Enjoy!

What it is: Somewhere along the way, you learned that being agreeable kept things smooth. A quick “yes” instead of a slow truth. An apology for what wasn’t yours because it reset the room. You became fluent in other people’s comfort.

And for a while, it worked, until the cost showed up as resentment, exhaustion, or that hollow feeling after saying “no problem” while your whole body whispered that it was.

This isn’t a character flaw; it’s an adaptation. When love, safety, or belonging felt conditional, performance became protection. You refined the art of being “good” by being helpful, flexible, and low-maintenance. But the strategy that kept you close to others can quietly move you away from yourself.

Where the pattern hides (and how it feels):

You say yes while your stomach tightens. you feel relief in the moment and a slow burn later.
You offer to "just handle it," and people let you. You become reliable and invisible at the same time.
You swallow your disagreement to keep the peace. The room is calm; your chest is not.
You apologize for your tone instead of naming the hurt. The relationship survives; the wound doesn't heal.

A gentler understanding: Kindness doesn’t require self-abandonment. Real connection can tolerate the truth spoken quietly. The people who are meant to keep sitting at your table will not require you to disappear to stay.

A small practice for today (takes under two minutes):

Name the tug. When you feel the "automatic yes," pause and place a hand on your sternum. Notice: tight/loose, warm/cool.
Buy a breath. Say, "Let me check and circle back." You're not withholding; you're choosing consciously.
Return with a truthful line: "I won't be able to take this on, and I want to be honest early."
Offer an anchored alternative (if you want): "I can review the deck for 10 minutes by 4 pm," or "I can help next week."

Reframe for the week: Not “I must be good to be loved,” but “I can be kind and still be real. The right people can meet both."

(Me, Louise, again.) Are you stuck in the "Good Person" trap? Ready to be authentic AND kind? Let me help you break free by reprogramming the mind. Book a free 30-minute discovery call with me, here.

PS. You're invited to a free in-person mini-workshop, Intro to EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques).