It’s getting close to the holidays again. Holidays means family gatherings. Family gatherings sometimes means dread and added stress.
I recently read an email from The Daily Wellness that had a pretty good piece about this very thing. It was called “When You Dread Family Gatherings Because You Don't Have Your Life ‘Together’"
I have it here for you. If you find yourself dreading your family gatherings, I hope you get some helpful pointers from this…
What's happening: A major family gathering is coming up, and you're already rehearsing answers to the inevitable questions. Your aunt will ask about your job, your cousin will talk about their promotion, your parents will wonder when you're settling down. You're still figuring things out, and facing a room full of relatives who expect updates feels like too much to handle on top of everything else.
You consider skipping the gathering entirely because you don't want to explain why you're still single, still in the same apartment, or still "finding yourself" at 32. You imagine their concerned faces, their well-meaning advice, their subtle disappointment. You start crafting vague responses that sound more successful than you feel.
Why your brain does this: Family gatherings compress your entire life into soundbite-ready updates, which reduces your complex, messy, ongoing experience into neat categories: career status, relationship status, life milestone checklist. Your brain knows you can't explain the full nuance of your journey in a 90-second conversation over mashed potatoes.
There's also generational and cultural context at play. Your family often measures success by different markers than you do, or they achieved certain milestones at different ages than what's realistic now. Their questions come from caring, but your brain hears them as judgment because you're already judging yourself.
Today's Spiral Breaker: The "Truthful Redirect" Strategy
When you catch yourself spiralling about family judgment:
- Prepare honest, boundaried responses: "I'm figuring out what's next" or "Still exploring options" without over-explaining
- Redirect with curiosity: Answer briefly, then ask them a question back, most people love talking about themselves
- Remember your timeline: "My life doesn't need to make sense to anyone but me right now"
- Reality-check the stakes: "These are awkward conversations, not life-altering judgments"
Perspective Reset: Your family's questions are usually more about making conversation than conducting a life audit. You don't owe anyone a highlight reel of achievements. "I'm working on it" is a complete answer.
Here’s to conquering stress.
With heart,
Louise
The Stress Experts
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