This week marks the one year anniversary of my sister’s death. She died at the age of 42 from cancer. It was a short journey with cancer, from diagnosis to passing away - only 5 months.
But I never lost hope.
And I still haven’t lost it.
When it comes to illness, “having hope” does NOT strictly mean hoping the ill person survives. It takes different forms. Hope can change and still remain hope.
If you Google “hope” you will get a few definitions:
- a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.
- grounds for believing that something good may happen.
- a feeling of trust.
When my sister was diagnosed with cancer, I hoped for a certain thing to happen: I hoped they were going to say they were wrong.
When she got sicker, I again hoped for a certain thing to happen: I hoped she got better.
When I knew she wouldn’t get better, I hoped that something good may happen: I hoped she would die at peace.
Now that she is gone, I have a feeling of trust: I hope to see her again.
My hope has changed, but I have never lost it.
I believe changing hope is what it means to “stay positive” about a serious or terminal illness. I believe it is about being open to the idea of remission, while also being open to reality - that death is going to happen…for everyone.
If I would have been closed to the idea of the death of my sister, I would have been desperate for her to survive - needing her to cling to life and defy the inevitable, death - an impossible feat. How stressful for both her and me!
And then when she died, I probably would have felt blindsided or even betrayed…in addition to feeling grief. All depleting emotions and therefore very stressful.
Hope, on the other hand, is a renewing emotion. It is a soothing salve on the ugly, raw wound of the devastation of illness.
Hope decreases stress, builds resilience, and allows the hopeful one to hold all possibilities of reality, without clinging or resistance.
Hope allows you to be at peace with what is as you anticipate what might be.
If you or a loved one is experiencing illness, what are you hoping for?
How might you change your hope to more fully encompass the reality of your situation and therefore decrease stress?
If illness is not in your life right now, how might hope serve you in other areas of your life?
Here’s to conquering stress.
With heart,
Louise
The Stress Experts
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