3 Ways We Try to Control Stress

In the last blog, I wrote about they ways we try to use thinking to work through our stress - positive thinking, talking yourself out of your feelings, over analyzing/over understanding, reframing, self-coaching, and looping thoughts.

But not everyone tries to control stress by thinking more.

Some people try doing more. At first glance, these behaviours may not look like a stress response, but underneath them is a nervous system trying to feel safe. They are strategies we use to try to “fix” stress.

These strategies are not wrong or bad - they work! They provide short-term relief, but they just don’t address the stress at the root. In other words, the stress will keep coming back because the nervous system doesn’t feel safe enough to settle and rest.

I have broken these behaviours/strategies into 3 main categories.

See if you use any of these strategies.

Pushing is what happens when stress is met with effort. It’s trying to force yourself to function, calm down, stay productive, be perfect, or “just get over it”. The body experience of pushing often feels like tension, bracing, effort, or forcing yourself forward.

Over-functioning
Doing more, staying busy, staying productive so you don’t feel stress.

White-knuckling
Holding it together on the outside while feeling tense inside.

Ignoring body signals
Pushing past exhaustion, tension, or overwhelm.

Coping strategies are behaviours that help take the edge off. Many are genuinely supportive and regulating. But when relief is the only strategy, the underlying stress response is never resolved. The body experience of coping feels soothing, numbing, or distracting.

Soothing activities
Bubble baths, hot showers, comfort food, curling up on the couch

Distraction
Scrolling, binge-watching, staying busy to not feel

Calming tools
Breathing apps, meditation apps, music, nature

Managing is an attempt to avoid triggering stress in the first place. The experience of managing feels like controlling and organizing life around stress.

Structuring life around stress
Avoiding certain situations, people, or conversations

Constant planning and control
“If I stay organized enough, I’ll be okay.”

Lowering expectations
“This is just how I am - I have to manage it.”

Maybe you recognize yourself in one category more than another. Or maybe you move between all three depending on the situation.

If you recognize yourself in any of these strategies, that is completely okay! It is natural, normal, and expected. You aren’t wrong or broken!

Even if some of them might not seem it, these are all intelligent approaches to stress because the job of the nervous system is protection, not logic. The nervous system answers the question: “How do I keep us safe?”

And all of these approaches are attempts to answer that question - strategies for safety and protection.

Each one is the nervous system saying: “I’m trying to keep you okay.”

Pushing:

If I can override this and keep functioning, I won’t fall apart.

That’s protection through strength.

Coping:

If I can calm this down right now, I can get through the moment.

That’s protection through relief.

Managing:

If I organize my life to avoid triggers, I can stay safe long-term.

That’s protection through control.

Pushing, coping, and managing are all attempts to deal with stress after it’s already happening.

Nervous system work focuses on calming stress at the source - helping the body feel safe enough that it no longer has to stay in protection mode all the time.

If you’re tired of constantly trying to manage stress, nervous system-focused work may offer a different approach.

I offer free discovery calls to answer questions, talk through what you’re experiencing, and see whether EFT might be a good fit for you.

Here’s to calming stress at the source.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts

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