"Trauma is not what happens to you; it is what happens inside of you as a result of what happens to you." - Gabor Maté

What is trauma?

We typically think of trauma as something REALLY horrible - an accident, a natural disaster, abuse, war, violence - and if we haven't experienced or witnessed any of that then we have no trauma.

This is simply NOT true! 
The truth is...

1. The traumatic event is not the same as trauma.
2. We all have trauma.

The traumatic event is the event that you went through and survived, ex. experiencing a car accident or witnessing a violent act. Trauma is the wound that happened inside you as a result. Trauma expert, Gabor Maté describes trauma as: 

"It is not the blow to the head, but the concussion I get."

While not overtly obvious, there are 2 types of traumatic events: bad things that happened to you, and good things that didn't happen that should have. Attention, love, acceptance, being heard, and being seen are legitimate emotional needs, things that should happen. When our needs aren't met, especially when we are very young, it is traumatizing. 

We all have trauma. 

Even if you think you had an amazing childhood, I can almost guarantee you sustained trauma somewhere along the way. It actually doesn't take much to be traumatized - nothing too far out of the ordinary, especially as a kid. 

There only needs to be one of these four criteria present in order to be traumatizing, and many events easily have more than one:

  1.  a perceived threat.
  2.  a sense of powerlessness.
  3.  a feeling of isolation or aloneness.
  4.  a violation of expectation.
Here's an example of an everyday scenario that meets all 4 criteria of a traumatizing event: 

6-year-old Betty likes to wrestle with her older brother, Tom. One time while wrestling, Tom has Betty pinned to the ground and sits on her chest. Betty can't breathe at all and is convinced she is going to die (perceived threat). Betty thinks, "How could Tom do this; he is my brother?" (violation of expectation). No matter what she does or how hard she tries, she can't get Tom off of her (powerlessness). Finally, Tom gets off. Betty gasps and starts crying. Mom comes in and asks what happened. Tom says, "Betty's just being a baby." Mom looks at Betty and says, "Stop crying. Nothing happened." Betty feels alone and abandoned (isolation).


The past affects the present.

The traumatic event causes the nervous system to up-regulate, setting off the stress response - the body's way of keeping you safe. It is natural to experience the stress response, but it was designed to be present relatively infrequently and for only brief periods of time.
 
Trauma happens when the body doesn't down-regulate or settle and rest again and stays in a heightened state because we continue to feel unsafe. It is like part of our brain and nervous system gets frozen in that heightened state as we try to process what's happening or has happened to us.  In essence, you continue to experience that traumatic event, even if it is "over". 

As time passes, we continue to function in everyday life, in some capacity, but our subconscious mind is still grappling with the event and what it means to us. It typically stays in our subconscious (below our level of awareness) until something in our daily life triggers it into conscious awareness. This trigger is a stimulus that is in some way similar to that traumatic event - a smell, sound, feeling, taste, sight - that makes us feel like we are right back in that experience as if it is happening right now. Sometimes we consciously recall the specific event, other times we don't recall it specifically but we respond to the present situation as if we are in the past.

For example, John was 10 years old when he stood at the front of his classroom and gave a presentation to his fellow classmates. He saw all those faces, their eyes on him. He was nervous and had butterflies in his stomach. He stumbled over many words and lost his train of thought more than once. The other students snickered and laughed at him. Finally, John was done and sat down, feeling like a loser, humiliated and outcast. Years later, 30-year-old John is at his corporate job. He has been asked to present his project to his team. John stands at the front of the room, sees their faces and their eyes and feels butterflies in his stomach. He feels like a loser, humiliated and outcast and he hasn't even started talking and there has been no sound from his teammates. You can probably imagine how that presentation went!

Staying safe is part of the role of the nervous system, and it does a really good job at keeping you safe. It doesn't matter how many years or decades ago the event took place, the body and nervous system remember the circumstances of the events that weren't safe in the past and tries to help you stay safe in the present by causing you to, whether you're aware of it or not, avoid similar events and/or activate defence mechanisms that helped you in those previous situations, such as withdrawing, shutting down, hiding your emotions, getting angry, or fighting.
 
This can lead to developing unwanted or "bad" behaviour patterns. And willpower isn't strong enough to break this behaviour habit because it is driven by stress and emotions not by a lack of motivation. 

There is hope and a way out, but first let's look at PTSD.


What is PTSD?

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a diagnosis that is given to someone that is experiencing a cluster of symptoms of trauma after being exposed to a traumatic event - an actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence. These symptoms can include:
  • flashbacks, as if the event is happening now
  • intrusive thoughts or images
  • nightmares or distressing dreams
  • intense distress at real or symbolic reminders of the event
  • avoidance of potential triggers
  • angry outbursts
  • hypervigilience
  • feelings of detachment
  • substance abuse
  • lack of interest in favourite activities
  • intense physical sensations when reminded of event - heart pounding, sweating, troubles breathing, trembling
  • difficulty experiencing positive emotions
  • persistent negative emotions
  • persistent or exaggerated negative beliefs in oneself, others, or the world ("I'm broken", "No one can be trusted" , "The world is completely dangerous.")
 
Sometimes PTSD can get better on its own, but other times the symptoms can last for many years and can get worse with time.

What can be done?

The way out of trauma is through it.  And the way through trauma is to help you and your nervous system feel safe as you process the event and what it means to you (or multiple events).
 
Your nervous system is frozen in the past, stuck feeling unsafe. The part of your brain that is stuck does not process information in a linear and factual way. And it does not communicate in words, so trying to think or talk your way through trauma is futile. Working through trauma requires more than a rational, analytical, "head/mental" exercise; thinking alone won't get you through it.
 
Thankfully, there is a way to communicate with this part of the brain. When we incorporate the body into the process, the brain and the body partner together and work through the trauma.

One powerful way to do this is called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or Tapping.  while bringing to mind and recalling what upsets you and by tapping on certain areas of the body called acupoints , a particular kind of electric signal (piezoelectric) is sent to the brain that calms and tells the brain that all is well: "You are safe now and that is in the past." The brain unfreezes and frees you from the traumatic event. No more suffering.

It sounds simple and it is. Why not try it for yourself?
Release emotional baggage and find freedom from your past.