I’ve been struggling with getting clear and making decisions.
Whether it is a decision I have to make for my business or just deciding what to have for lunch, I dance back and forth and say, “I don’t know.”
Then I add more and more pressure to myself:
“Just choose already!! Do SOMETHING!”
But the more pressure I add, the more “I don’t know” I get—and the more frustrated I get with myself.
I used to think it was because I’m just not good at making decisions. It’s just who I am. And honestly, that has been a source of shame.
Then I started thinking maybe it’s because I actually just don’t know what I want.
That wasn’t exactly something I was proud of either.
But now I’m seeing something different.
Maybe I’m not struggling to get clear because I don’t know what I want. Maybe getting clear doesn’t feel safe to a part of me.
In other words, the indecision may actually be a form of protection.
I have a mentor EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques/Tapping) practitioner who helped me uncover this in myself. Her name is Carol Look, and she has a YouTube channel dedicated to exploring and tapping through the blocks that can get in the way of success.
Recently, I received an email from Carol introducing a new video in her tapping series, and it resonated with me immediately.
The idea was this:
Maybe I am not indecisive because I do not know what I want. I may be avoiding clarity because being clear could require action, bring more success, or upset someone.
That really made me stop and think.
Because what if clarity itself has started to feel like a threat?
If I know what I want, then I might have to do something about it.
I might have to make a change.
Someone might be disappointed.
I might have to step outside my comfort zone.
I might become more successful—or more visible—and that could bring its own discomfort.
So staying in the “I don't know” can actually feel safer.
And this is where something else really clicked for me:
Clarity doesn't require action.
I can know what I want without immediately doing anything about it.
I can let myself get clear first.
I can allow myself to notice what I actually want without immediately asking, “Okay, so what am I going to do about it?”
I can let that clarity settle.
And then, later, I can decide what—if anything—I want to do next.
That feels very different from the pressure I've been putting on myself.
Instead of:
“Just decide already! You have to figure this out and DO something!”
I can say:
“What if I could simply let myself know?”
Maybe I don't need to force a decision.
Maybe I don't need to solve everything today.
Maybe I can get curious about what happens inside me when I imagine being completely clear about what I want.
And if I notice fear, resistance, or discomfort, I can work with that—rather than continuing to criticize myself for being indecisive.
That is what Carol's video explores, and it's what I found so helpful.
If you find yourself going back and forth on decisions, repeatedly saying, “I don't know,” you might want to ask yourself a different question:
What if I do know—but being clear doesn't feel safe yet?
And then another:
What am I afraid clarity would require me to do?
You don't have to answer those questions perfectly.
You don't even have to act on the answer.
You can simply get curious.
And if you'd like to explore this with tapping, I highly recommend Carol's video:
This is the ninth video in Carol's new Hidden Blocks to Success tapping series.
Sometimes the first step isn't making the decision.
Sometimes the first step is simply feeling safe enough to know what you want.
Here’s to calming stress at the source.
With heart,
Louise
The Stress Experts
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