Updates from The Stress Experts

The Feeling About the Feeling

Tue, 08 Sep 2026 17:49:08 CDT

It can be uncomfortable and even painful to feel some emotions.

Grief can feel like a hole is being ripped through your heart.

Anger can feel like your blood is boiling in your veins.

Shame can feel like you can’t get small enough.

So it makes sense why we don’t actually want to experience unpleasant emotions - they’re unpleasant!

On top of the fact that they are uncomfortable, we often have unconscious beliefs about emotions that keep us from allowing ourselves to feel them. For example...

You Don’t Have to Earn the Right to Feel

Wed, 26 Aug 2026 22:32:00 CDT

There is a piece of advice that has been around for a very long time — be grateful.

Seemingly simple. Seemingly easy. Seemingly harmless.

And yet I am noticing a common pattern in my clients where “being grateful” isn’t always as harmless as it seems.

Don’t get me wrong! I know that a practice of gratitude has amazing benefits. Carol Look explores many of these benefits in her book Yes, Thank You, drawing on research showing associations between gratitude and things like well-being, happiness and stress.

So I’m not arguing against gratitude.

The problem I’m seeing isn’t gratitude itself. The problem is...

What If You're Afraid To Be Clear?

Wed, 12 Aug 2026 20:54:00 CDT

I’ve been struggling with getting clear and making decisions.

Whether it is a decision I have to make for my business or just deciding what to have for lunch, I dance back and forth and say, “I don’t know.”

Then I add more and more pressure to myself:

“Just choose already!! Do SOMETHING!”

But the more pressure I add, the more “I don’t know” I get—and the more frustrated I get with myself.

I used to think it was because I’m just not good at making decisions. It’s just who I am. And honestly, that has been a source of shame.

Then I started thinking...

"So What Should I Be Telling Myself?"

Wed, 22 Jul 2026 11:54:41 CDT

There’s something that many of my clients don’t understand before coming to see me.

They often believe that if they could just change their thinking, they would finally feel the way they want to feel. More confident. More calm. More motivated. More at peace.

While our thoughts certainly matter, what many people don't realize is that these internal experiences aren't created by thinking alone. They're deeply influenced by what's happening in the body—particularly the nervous system.

One of the questions I hear often is, "So what should I be telling myself?" It's a great question—but it's often the wrong place to start. Before our thoughts can change our experience, our nervous system often needs to feel safe enough to receive them.

Why does this matter?

I Stopped Following My Own Advice

Wed, 08 Jul 2026 20:24:53 CDT

I recently realized that I had stopped following my own advice.

I have had a pretty busy year so far - expos, workshops, conferences, photography and editing for a friend’s wedding, with a nearly-full client load.

Since the beginning of the year, I have had my internal throttle set on high - “pedal to the metal” so to speak. I’ve been pushing myself to complete one task to make room for another, planning ahead, and trying to balance the load of several projects at once because their event dates were close together.

Every day for months, my first thought was, “What do I need to get done today?”

And my second thought was, “How can I squeeze that in between my scheduled clients?”

I felt constant internal pressure, not only from the deadlines, but from my own desire to do more than just a good job. I wanted everything to be exceptional. The pressure followed me into the evenings and weekends.

And then, quite suddenly, my schedule cleared up (other than still seeing my one-on-one clients).

But the internal pressure continued...